UPDATED: Speaking of Heroes…

13 Feb
Boy, what a game today! It was a stressful nail biter from start to finish. Of course all the drama started right off the bat…

Can you believe this bullshit?!

Iker was given a red card and sent off at 1:45! I thought Callejon made a rather blatant dive, but judge for yourselves:

Sigh. What a nightmare. So Mou had to make a substitution. I can only imagine how much fun that reshuffling was.

Mou's face matched mine after Iker was sent off.

Angel DiMaria was taken out (Fideo didn’t even get to touch the ball!) And Adan got to make his La Liga debut. The poor kid didn’t even have time to warm up – it was out of the track suit and on to the field. And you know what? He did a great job and had some solid saves. He wasn’t taking any chances. Whenever he got the ball, he basically clutched it like his life depended on it and laid on top of it. Good thinking, kid.

You did us proud, Adan!

So there we were with 10 men. But seriously, it just seemed to energize our team. Marcelo was everywhere, just tearing things up and had a couple of great chances. Sami almost scored twice (I really want him to score soon!). Pepe was back in action and was defending his ass off.  Cristiano had some beautiful passes and Adebayor, oh man, poor Manu! He had so many great shots that were foiled by Espanyol’s goalie, Kameni.

Manu and his nemesis, The King of Shotus Interruptus, Idriss Carlos Kameni

I really have to hand it to Kameni, he made some great saves. The game was scrappy as all hell. Marcelo made a GORGEOUS goal at 24′. Ozil to Cristiano to Marcelo and boom! Marcelo is our hero!

I love you, Marcelo!

Everyone looks so thrilled for him!

Marcelo was adorable. He was running around shrieking and wiggling like a puppy. Shiggers and I squealed with delight.

That was it for the goals, even though there were many more great chances. The important thing is that we held them off and won the match 1-0. Even better, we got those crucial 3 points. Look out, Barca! We’re coming for you!

A few things from the match that we observed (but can’t necessarily find pictures for, which is a blessing…)

  • After Iker was sent off, Marcelo became captain because Sergio Ramos was on the bench.
  • There was a close up shot of Cristiano and we noticed his hair gel melting down his face. We started singing “Someone left the cake out in the raaaaaaain!” for subsequent close ups. We love you, Crispy, but that doesn’t mean we’re not going to take the piss out of you.
  • Ozil has learned some new swear words in Spanish! We couldn’t translate them all but he seems to have added more to his vocab than “puta”  as was evidenced from a close up. Perhaps it’s time for “Beyond Puta: The Mesut Ozil Story?”
  • Arbeloa has some nice shelf booty. Just sayin’
  • Mou got…animated. He ran and then crouched down spread legged and screamed. Sadly, he was wearing tight pants again. And it was…disturbing. Seriously, you could see all of The Special One’s special parts. I mean, I should not be able to identify each individual component. If I can, your pants are too tight. Maisougio referred to them as his “mouberries” which made me almost snort beer out of my nose. Shiggers shrieked that she thought his tackle was going to explode out of his pants. It was about 2 seconds away from turning into The Hulk, y’all. We were TERRIFIED.  Why the camera has a love affair with his bits, I will never know.
  • Espanyol’s coach in his track suit and ‘stache looked like a ’70s porn star. Oy.
  • I noticed that my spell check tries to change Adebayor to “adequate” which is the furthest thing from the truth. I thought he did a fine job today. He was just very unlucky against Kameni. Someone on Twitter commented that “now we have 2 inconsistent strikers” Screw you, dude. I think he’s doing a great job for only his third game. He’s clicked with Cristiano in a way that Benzema never has. So shut it.
  • I was deeply annoyed by Espanyol’s striker, Sergio Garcia (not to be confused with our beloved Sergio Ramos Garcia). He had this wretched lady pony tail. You know how most dudes who have ponytails tie them low at the nape of the neck? He ties his high and bouncy like he’s a 1959 Barbie or something. And he wears a scrunchie. Just insanely annoying. I couldn’t find a good picture of him from the game today, so here’s one of him vs. Almeria. Doesn’t he just scream “douche” to you?

Also annoying? The back of his jersey reads "S.S. Garcia" What is he? A frakkin' cruise ship?

Argh. But enough of him. I think I need something to cleanse my palate. How about a little Sami? He didn’t score but he played his heart out.

Looking good, bebe, looking good!

Uh oh! Could this be the beginning of...Khelonso?!

So that’s all she wrote (for tonight), folks. I have to wake up bright and early for…JURY DUTY. Happy Valentine’s Day! Hala Madrid!

UPDATED: The peerless unamadridista had a gif of the dreaded Mouberries moment. It’s horrifying enough small, but watch this and imagine it on a very large screen TV…in high def. Then weep.


Put away the Mouberries, please!

(Courtesy of unamadridista, read her fantastic match report here)



12 Responses to “UPDATED: Speaking of Heroes…”

  1. Lily February 14, 2011 at 1:51 pm #

    Perfect display from the team yesterday!!!!

    I wish the game was more 4-0 which it could have been from all the chances we had!!!

    BUt I will take it!

    • headbandsandheartbreak February 14, 2011 at 4:47 pm #

      I was shrieking at all the chances! Kameni did a good job, you have to hand it to him. It certainly made the game exciting, but I’ll take a 1-0 result and the ever important 3 points!

  2. kfunk22 February 14, 2011 at 1:51 pm #

    quick note now, more later, but just had to say: as soon as i saw the camera zoom in on mou’s junk i KNEW you were going to kick up a stink, or vomit. one or the other. maybe both.
    mouberries is hysterical.

    • headbandsandheartbreak February 14, 2011 at 4:48 pm #

      It was so over the top, we couldn’t believe it! It was like Extreme Closeup: Mouberries!

      I may have to gif that just to share the horror (over and over again) with those that missed the game.

  3. Andrea February 15, 2011 at 7:11 pm #

    How have I JUST NOW discovered this blog?! I’m a little bit in love with it.

    Well done, ladies…well done.

    • headbandsandheartbreak February 15, 2011 at 8:00 pm #

      A “little bit“?! We refuse to stop posting until you are “ass-over-teakettle-sell-your-granny-for-just-one-more-hit” in love with us! You have been forewarned! 🙂

      We’re the new kids on the block, RM blog-wise, but what we lack in longevity, we make up for in sheer perversion and ability to cuss. We’re happy you are enjoying it!

      Feel free to send any like minded individuals our way and thank you so much for commenting (comments are love).


  4. Jenny February 16, 2011 at 10:52 am #

    We have it on good authority that Mesut is also cursing in Turkish. When his goal was disallowed last week he reportedly said “F— You” in Turkish – which was so adorably BAMF of him! Everything he does is adorable.

    My favourite moment – Marcelo running up to Daddy and the looks they gave each other as he drank his water – and then the way he tossed the bottle away and lifted his fist. Marcelo’s another one – he doesn’t have unadorable moments.

    • headbandsandheartbreak February 16, 2011 at 11:51 pm #

      I love it when Mesut gets all naughty, it’s too adorable. Perhaps not exactly what he intended but… 😉

      Marcelo had me at hello. I just love everything about him. He just radiates joy much in the way Mesut radiates sweetness.

      We have the market cornered on adorable at Real Madrid!

  5. shiggers February 17, 2011 at 10:15 am #

    For one thing, Lozil, I already had to see the Mouberries once. The second Mouberry viewing (all unknowing) is just cruel and unusual. I’m trying to eat breakfast, for heaven’s sake!

    • headbandsandheartbreak February 17, 2011 at 6:10 pm #

      My apologies that the Mouberries didn’t compliment your morning Crunchberries. Man up, lady! At least it’s not on a 52″ plus screen in hi def this time while you’re trying to enjoy Guinness and chicken wings. Life could be much, much worse. I’ll have to start putting warnings on posts that feature the Mouberries in the future!

  6. shiggers February 17, 2011 at 10:17 am #

    Ach, Jesus, you have to scroll past the Mouberries to get back to the top. Have you no shame?!

    • headbandsandheartbreak February 17, 2011 at 6:11 pm #

      Just close your eyes and pretend the Mouberries never happened. That’s what I’m trying to do (until the next time the perverse cameramen decide to torture us)

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