1-800-WTF?

21 Feb

Wa-tishistas, I am having a day. You know, one of those days where everything is going wrong and you are in the foulest mood evah? Yeah. Well, that’s me today. I’m one step away from sniping from a clock tower. So I figured that I would take a break and spend some time writing to you, my darlings. That always cheers me up.

My RSS feed said there was an interview with Mesut on the Real Madrid site and I thought “Oh ho! That will surely cheer me up! Looking at my boo always does! And maybe another pervert reporter will ask him if he likes looking at Cristiano’s muscles because that was hi-larious!” So off I went. When I arrived, I was greeted by this picture:

WT-ever-lovin'-F?

Ummm, WHAT? I just…can’t…oh, read on because the pictures continue….

Erm, The Champions League is dust in the wind? Is that what you're trying to say here??

So, I really need to know – does someone in Real Madrid’s photo corps have Bieber Fever or are they just a Glee fan? Because seriously, where else did they come up with that dark background/blowing powder look? All Mesut needs is a hoodie under that leather and a side part sans hair gel and he’d be straight up channeling the Bieb. Perhaps they’re trying to turn him into Real’s tween idol? (I think they would have a much better candidate for that in Jailbait!) Or by blowing away the powder is he trying to stress that he’s a clean living boy or something? (We know you are boo, your only vices appear to be Playstation, orange juice and deep V-neck t-shirts. Bless.) I’m just not sure what sort of theme they’re going for here. The interview isn’t much help. No mention of powder there either. Maybe it’s supposed to be magic dust because some people call him the Wizard of Oz?  I mean, Real knows no photographic subtlety (Rumor: Crissy & Iker hate each other Photo Shoot: Look! They’re touching each other! They’re totes friends, obvs!) so if that were the message, I would have expected him in a full on wizard hat/robe with Mordor and the Eye of Sauron in the background, you know? (Or he’d be standing on a giant fricking yellow brick road. ) So if you have any thoughts as to what inspired this photo shoot, please let me know. The rest of the pictures don’t even vaguely seem connected.

"I want YOU to...well, I'm not exactly sure..." ::yells off set:: "What's my motivation?!"

"Look, it's an embroidered soccer ball. I am known to sometimes kick these - well, real ones. This also has nothing to do with powder as far as I can tell."

"Look at me! I'm coyly peeking out from behind my jersey! Oh, wait! Perhaps it's actually a bath towel with my name on it and I could be just out of the shower and about to put on powder and THAT'S the connection....No? Oh, never mind then."

Yeah, well, okay then. It’s a complete and utter mystery. At least it’s taken my mind off my shite mood for a bit.  Powder or not, I love you to bits, Mesut Ozil. Just keep doing what you’re doing (whatever that is…).

14 Responses to “1-800-WTF?”

  1. Maisoun February 21, 2011 at 6:22 pm #

    Wait so the interview wasnt titled “Confessions of a Coke whore” ??

    • headbandsandheartbreak February 21, 2011 at 6:34 pm #

      Wait, let me check! Hmmmm, nope. Something about beating Lyon tomorrow. Do they have a booming coke trade there or something? Color me clueless about the photo shoot concept. Glad that it’s not just me!

      • Maisoun February 21, 2011 at 6:48 pm #

        Well lets see what the possible meanings could be…

        1. Booming coke trade in Lyon

        2. RM boys are going to blow Lyon players away…or just blow them…

        mmm..that powdery stuff looks messy so..

        3. Los Blancos are going to mess those Lyon boys up

        4…..ya I got nothing else…

        • headbandsandheartbreak February 21, 2011 at 6:57 pm #

          Wait one hot minute, Yoann Gourcuff is on Lyon! So, I’m going with the latter part of #2. The fic is just gonna write itself, isn’t it? He’s so purty (but tomorrow? THE ENEMY)! Also, there is no doubt in my mind that we’re going to handle the former part of #2 admirably as well. HALA MADRID!

  2. Anonymous February 21, 2011 at 6:42 pm #

    i for one would love to see a caped-up, wizardy muppet, no? can we get the pr department to redo this campaign please?

    sorry today sucked. deep breaths and thoughts of tomorrow. alcohol also helps.

    • kfunk22 February 21, 2011 at 6:46 pm #

      oh, that was me, btw.

      • headbandsandheartbreak February 21, 2011 at 6:53 pm #

        I was wondering who was getting all anonymous on our asses (but being nice – usually anons are slagging you off). I’m glad it’s you and tickled that you’re spending some of your much deserved time off with us. xoxo

    • headbandsandheartbreak February 21, 2011 at 6:52 pm #

      Thank you. I may need to hit the booze soon, that’s for sure. A “caped up, wizardy muppet” – that’s AWESOME! Maybe if we tell them that it’s an article about how he wanted to be an accountant as a child, that will inspire that sort of concept for the photo shoot. All I can say to the RM PR department is this (and I quote David Lynch’s Wild At Heart) “How your mind works is God’s own mystery, baby.”

  3. Andrea February 21, 2011 at 6:45 pm #

    At first I thought “There are no words…”.

    But then they started coming to me – cheesy, hokey, atrocious, dreadful. Bambi, you are adorbs, but you need to stand up for yourself next time!

    • headbandsandheartbreak February 21, 2011 at 6:49 pm #

      I love him, but he’s not so good at standing up for himself in photo shoots. Remember this balagan? As I said on Kickette, he looks like a Brazilian Hamburgler in that one. Oy.

  4. Lily Montella February 22, 2011 at 12:09 pm #

    hahahaha this is hilarious I thought he was blowing coke hahahahaahahahahaha

    He’s still hot though nooo doubbt 😐

    • headbandsandheartbreak February 22, 2011 at 1:00 pm #

      You, me and everyone we know thought that. I cannot for the life of me figure out what the photographer was going for!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. More on the Lyon game… « Of Headbands and Heartbreak… - February 24, 2011

    […] example of your attempt to position Ozil for the tween market! Yesterday, you were giving him the full on Bieber powder treatment and today, you’re getting all Twilight on his ass! Smart marketing. Color me impressed. But […]

  2. The Real Madrid Photographers Strike Again « Of Headbands and Heartbreak… - March 15, 2011

    […] photographers. She’s spot on with this one. She also noticed the horrific Ozil powder shots that I chronicled here. I mean, how could you NOT notice them? It’s nice to know that she was equally […]

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