Updated: How Crissy Got His Groove Back…

3 Mar

Step off, Malaga! Crispy’s back!

Well, so much for Crissy’s goal “drought” eh?  Real Madrid spanked Malaga for a final score of 7-0. I actually felt bad for Malaga and Pelligrini. It must have been humiliating.  But seriously, they just didn’t play well. Holes all over the defense and they were outclassed at every turn. And we had a lot to prove after Saturday’s tie vs. Deportivo. It was a massacre…

Poor Willy!

I especially felt bad for Malaga’s goalkeeper Willy Caballero. To his credit though, it could have ended up in the double digits if he hadn’t made some good saves. Without out good defense to protect him, there was really very little he could have done. (Plus I love his name, so I feel extra bad for him). As a rule, I don’t like this sort of lopsided result. I like a good, strong hard fought game with both sides evenly matched. I could change my opinion if we beat Barca 7-0 though – that would work for me!

Benzy-Benzy-Benzema started the goal party out at 27′ off a Xabi Alonso free kick. He had previously scored, but it was declared offside. My boo Ozil had a great free kick that almost succeeded, but it went off the upright. Denied! We didn’t have to wait very long for our next score as Angel DiMaria put one in at 35′ with an assist from Marcelo.

Besos from Fideo!

Marcelo was on fire and scored a beauty of a goal right before the half off DiMaria’s sweet chipped pass! I guess they were all like “Why, you first, kind sir! I shall assist with this goal and then you can return the favor.” “Don’t mind if I do, my dear friend.”

Marcelo is the most adorable goal celebrator in the whole wide world!

Malaga’s Welington did manage to get one past Iker (who was probably busy doing his taxes or writing his grocery list, so little action did he see this game) but it was declared offside. So we were three up at the half.

Crispy knocked in his first goal at 51′ with an assist from Mesut. At this point, since we were up by four, Mou decided to take some people off to rest them. Xabi came off at 55′ and was replaced by Fernando Gago.  Fideo came off at 56′ and Manu took his place.  Karim smacked in another goal at 62′ with an assist from the ubiquitous Marcelo.

A new bromance? We shall christen them “Serim!”

Then something supremely exciting happened! My boo came off at 63′ and Jailbait! came on!  Fangirls everywhere squealed.  And the King of the Muppet Babies almost scored too! It was great to see him playing. Malaga’s Manolo earned himself a red so they were down to 10 men and Crispy got himself a penalty kick, earning a goal at 68′ – his second of the game for those keeping count.  Willy Caballero made a killer double save: first, a shot from Benzema (supplied by Adebayor) and then a rebound by Cristiano. Credit where credit’s due – he was amazing at that moment. Malaga’s luck continued to suck though. Sergio Acala had to leave the pitch due to injury and they were playing with 9 men now. Cristiano made his final goal off a Canales assist at 77′ and that was it. Crispy asked to be taken off immediately after his goal (and some colleague fondling) as he was injured (hopefully, not seriously). I guess we’ll know more after they have had time to assess his problem.  Apparently, it’s his left hamstring muscles.

And we shall know them as “Crissio”

Crisps celebrated as only he can, with a little Muppet Baby action. ::hums “My Sharona“::  Ah, Crispy, you have such good taste, but what would Mesut say? Hmmmm, checking out this first half shot, it looks like he was getting some of his own action.

Benzil with a side of Xabi

Oh these boys, they get around, don’t they? Well, it’s time to Put On Your Game Face!  First up, we have Gago, Benz and Marcelo:

Do you think that Gago grew that shite pR0n ‘stache so people would stop calling him Lady Gago?

This tweet made me howl with laughter!

CR7 ::hairy-eyeballs Benz::  Mesut, ::awkwardly:: “Ummm, Cris? He means nothing to me!”

“Don’t worry, Cris! My fabulous shelf booty and I will never leave you.”

Crissio share a waltz. I wonder if it’s to The Rainbow Connection?

( If so, does this mean Cristiano is ‘the sweet sound that calls to young sailors?’  Just askin’)

We also had a seriously unprecedented moment. One that will make Shiggers very happy indeed. Mou kept his  junk to himself, much to the chagrin of cameramen everywhere. I got a tweet with this picture from Maisougio (her commentary below) during the game.

Maisougio:  “Mou all modest! Covering up his Mouberries like a good boy!”

I was, of course, ecstatic and expressed my delight, commenting that Shiggers would be greatly relieved as well. However, something was not quite right, as evidenced from Maisougio’s next tweet.


Ruh roh! It doesn’t even bear thinking about in greater detail. I think if I allow my mind to wander to Mou’s berry patch, I’ll finally need that padded cell that I’ve been working up to for the past few months. Oy. Meanwhile, even with seven goals, Mou is not a happy camper. Why?

Mou finally heard what Shiggers has been saying about his manly bits.

I wouldn’t cross him, but Shiggers is a much braver woman than I. I’ll willingly talk shit about his Special One here on my blog under a pseudonym, but I would crumble if faced with Live Mou Action. He controls the conduit to The Pretty, a very important thing to keep in mind, so HALA MOU! ::looks nervously over shoulder::  If you want to see all seven goals, check out the clips and relive one helluva game. Also of note, CR7 and Messi are tied again at 27 goals for the pichichi. Cris made up his 3 goal deficit all in this game! We’re only 7 points behind Barca now in La Liga.

Well, I think this is enough slander and silliness to keep you occupied for tonight. Tune in tomorrow for Day 5 of Muppet Babies Week and get ready for the weekend match vs. Racing Santander! HALA MADRID!

UPDATE: Just had to add this photo! We don’t have half enough CrispyKarim moments these days.

Crispy kinda looks a bit bored. A bit like those “dime-a-dance” ladies in Pat Benetar’s Love is A Battlefield. What I wouldn’t give to see Real break into the climactic, boob-shimmying “we quit, you evil pimp!” dance at the end of this video. Mou could do the pimp snarl. It would be EPIC.

20 Responses to “Updated: How Crissy Got His Groove Back…”

  1. Andrea March 4, 2011 at 9:42 am #

    Wow, what a game. I, too, felt kinda bad for Malaga…but I was very excited to see our boys play so well! Everyone was on fire last night, but Benz and Cris were the most impressive. Benz especially seemed to have a lot of support from the fans at the Bernabeu, there were a lot of cheers everytime he touched the ball. It was nice to see.

    Things I loved: Marcelino/Cris goal celebration might’ve been the CUTEST THING EVER! Canales got almost 30 minutes on the field, so I was very happy for him and his goal assist.

    Things I didn’t love: The fact that Cristiano walked off the field injured. I’m sure he’s okay, but I’m glad he’s smart enough to know when it’s time to take a breather. Lozil, I’m not sure how you watched the game, but I watched on ESPN and Tommy Smyth was one of the commentators. He really rubs me the wrong way sometimes. He is always very critical of RM and I’m pretty sure every single match he comments on Mou not smiling (when does he EVER smile on the sidelines, except sarcastically when things are going wrong?? That’s just he way he is!). But I noticed the past couple of matches I’ve watched, he has really had it out for Ozil, alleging that he hasn’t been worth the price paid for him, he’s under-performing, he’s not fitting in with the team, blah blah blah. Needless to say, I enjoy the games more when he’s not commentating 🙂

    Let’s kick some butt this weekend! HALA MADRID!!

    • headbandsandheartbreak March 4, 2011 at 11:39 am #

      I’m worried about Cris too. 😦 I just read that he is going to be out for 10-15 days and may miss the Champions League game with Lyon. ARGH. So many players were kicking ass last night: Marcelo, Mesut, Angel, Cris, Benz It was a delight to watch. I wasn’t watching ESPN and I’m glad I wasn’t – I hate that sort of commmentary. And how could he hate on Ozil? The kid is PHENOMENAL (and not just because he’s my boo and I’m biased. I fell for him utterly because he’s such a brilliant player – he’s a joy to watch)! Tommy Smyth sounds like a big ol’ poo head. My commentator love will always be Ray Hudson. He makes me giggle non-stop during games and he loves him some Ozil. I put a Ray quote in one of my recent recaps. And why does a coach have to smile? He’s not a cheerleader, he’s a coach. He’s concentrating. Mou does his Mou thang and that’s fine with me. I’m happy if he looks surly as long as the Mouberries stay under wraps. I’m excited for the weekend. HALA MADRID!

  2. shiggers March 4, 2011 at 11:06 am #

    Mou will never figure out who I am. My screen name is completely anonymous with no similarity whatsoever to my real name.

    • headbandsandheartbreak March 4, 2011 at 11:23 am #

      No, of course not! 😉 But he could track you through your IP address. He has ways, you know. However, Mou would probably just be thrilled that we are talking about his spaghetti and meatballs. I don’t think he’d know what to do if people stopped talking about him. The man is a lightning rod for controversy: referee bias, brawls with management, arrogance, Mouberries – it’s just another day in the life of The Special One.

  3. shiggers March 4, 2011 at 11:07 am #

    Besides, no one would be so cruel as to take away the pretty. Right?

    • headbandsandheartbreak March 4, 2011 at 11:24 am #

      I don’ think that they would be so cruel. Just thinking about a lack of Pretty makes me want to curl up in a fetal position and whimper. 😦

  4. GinaM March 4, 2011 at 12:08 pm #

    I hate watching the game on ESPN I watch on GOLTV, it’s a canadian channel dedicated to the Bundisliga and La Liga.

    and I think Ozil is worth every penny he was bought for,,, I just finally got my jersey in the mail with his number on it!!! HALA OZIL HALA MADRID!!!!

    • headbandsandheartbreak March 4, 2011 at 12:16 pm #

      Yeah, I’m a GolTV girl as well. Much better coverage. Ozil is definitely worth his what they paid for him, in fact, they may have gotten him cheap. He’s going to just keep growing and maturing as a player.

      Wear that jersey with pride. I have a rather disturbing collection of Ozil jerseys: Home, Away, Champions League, Germany NT and an awesome t-shirt that says “Got Ozil?” Did you hear that they might change his number next season? I’m going to have to start saving up now if that’s the case! LOL!

      • GinaM March 4, 2011 at 12:57 pm #

        Ya I heard but then they canceled the change…phew!!! LOL Ya I have a lot of Madrid jersey’s from Ronaldo9 days…since then this is the first Madrid jersey I have bought. I got the away La Liga one 🙂 Well my husband bought it for my birthday hahaha.

        It’s funny bc I am a Madrid fan my brother in law is a Barca fan.. so I bought this jersey to flap in his face if we win the next El Classico!!!

        That’s what he did when Barca beat us 5-0 then he felt bad bc he’s older then me Im 24 and he’s 32 and I cried hahaha

        TIME FOR PAYBACK!!!

        • headbandsandheartbreak March 4, 2011 at 1:13 pm #

          My bank account will be exceedingly happy if the numbers stay the same for next season, that’s for sure!

          I cried after the last El Clasico too. I think many of us did. I was lucky, my local cules were pretty nice to me about it at the time, but yes, it’s time for payback. We’re going to win, I can just feel it!

          I know a married couple, she’s a Madridista, he’s a cule. I teasingly call them the James Carville/Mary Matalin of La Liga. 😉 She has accompanied him to Camp Nou to watch Barca but she wore her Madrid jersey under her coat. 😉

          • GinaM March 4, 2011 at 2:08 pm #

            haha I only wish I could watch a live match in the stadiums. My hubbie said next time we go to Spain we will definitely go watch a game!!!

            I don’t know the safety of it but I’d go to Camp Nou and proudly wear my jersey! lol jk

            • headbandsandheartbreak March 4, 2011 at 6:23 pm #

              I wanted to go to Madrid this spring, but the only free time I had was April 15 – 21, which would be awesome, but what are the chances of me scoring tickets to El Clasico and the Copa Del Rey final when they’re playing Barcelona? I can hardly get a seat down the pub when these two play and I have connections! Argh. So hopefully next season. I’d love to plan a trip to Madrid for my birthday in November. *fingers crossed*

  5. Maisoun March 4, 2011 at 4:39 pm #

    di María’s cheekbone scares me in that pic:( ..not very Ángel-ic, I must say.

    • headbandsandheartbreak March 4, 2011 at 6:18 pm #

      So if you’re ever mean to me, I’ll scare you with tales of Fideo’s cheekbone! MUAHAHAHAAHA! Bless him, but it’s kinda hard to get a good shot of him sometimes.

      • Maisoun March 4, 2011 at 6:26 pm #

        wait, there are good shots of him? 😛 I kid, I kid! I’ve learned my lesson, if its 3:30am & I cant sleep DONT check HB&HB if Fideo is tagged 😉

        • headbandsandheartbreak March 4, 2011 at 7:03 pm #

          Poor Fideo. He’s rather…unfortunate looking on a team that oozes hotness. But he’s laughing all the way to the bank while I am trying to figure out how I’m going to pay off my grad school loans if I don’t get a beyond killer job when I’m done. I have 3 strategies: Marry rich (which is highly unlikely, I ain’t the marryin’ type), win the lottery or…start on a Ph.D. and hope I croak before the loans come due.

          • Maisoun March 4, 2011 at 9:44 pm #

            you forgot option #4!!! Let FSG be your SugaDaddy! WOOT WOOT!

  6. :thankUelfano: March 7, 2011 at 10:30 am #

    We all are forgetting that CRISSY got his groove back [because of me] =] … we “ALL” know that is the [TRUE] reason!!! =)

    xo xo
    LOVE [this] BLOG {&} [all] that it has to [offer]

    xo xo
    :el fano:

    • headbandsandheartbreak March 8, 2011 at 11:40 am #

      Well, no doubt he got his groove back because of you and not a moment too soon! Could you now perhaps nurse him back to health for us? El Fano can make magic happen! (I’m wondering if they make those mesh backed pants in white or candy stripe?) Love YOU and all you have to offer. xoxo Lozil

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