Adventures in Heat Stroke

25 Jul

I’m sure this brief round up will provoke the reaction “Aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?” and for that I apologize in advance. I will say first and foremost, Non, je ne regrette rien – I’m glad I went to Philly and seeing my boo score his glorious goal about 50 feet in front of me was a thrill I’ll never forget.  And I got to have a wonderful time with my watishista! girls shiggers, J-9, DK, & Jess. So no matter what trials and tribulations happened, I am so damn glad I went on this road trip.

I haven’t had time to upload my pictures yet – I’ll try to get to that tonight. I was a bit too bleary eyed and at death’s door to get as many as I would have liked though. So this recap will feature a few that I found online. Of course, this weekend had to be when the Great Heatwave of ’11 hit the Northeast. Never fails right? It was hot as balls out there, people. When we arrived in Philly, it was 100 F on the thermometer, which means with the humidity, it was probably the equivalent of 105 F.  Being pragmatic women, we checked into the hotel, mixed ourselves some cocktails and retired to the swimming pool, which was an absolute delight.  J-9 and I managed to sucker shiggers into an underwater somersault contest that ended up with water up all our noses but no one backs down on a dare, right? Shigs is an easy mark. We didn’t even have to double dog dare her! We stayed there until it was time to grab a shower, a bite to eat and head to the stadium, which thankfully was only a short walk away. We got to our seats and started chatting with a girl 2 seats in front of us. Imagine our surprise when we started talking about Kickette and then HB & HB and we found out that she was watishista! Kristine!!!!!!!!! We were so thrilled to meet her and it was a total accident. Allow me to tell you that she is totally awesomesauce. (She’s also a trouper, because everyone in her row was constantly getting up and moving around.  She managed to not hack them to bits with a machete for constantly interrupting her match viewing and for that, I think she’s qualified for sainthood.) At 9 PM for kick off, it was still 100 F. Our boys took the pitch to a huge roar. Callejon started the game off with a goal at 2:28. Here he is celebrating with Mesut.


He also got himself in a spot of bother with the Philadelphia Union’s Sheanon Williams, who clearly got the worst end of it. Ouch.


So at this point, we’re still bright eyed and bushy tailed, wavings our flags and cheering.  Spent some time spying on the bench via binoculars. Marveled at Zizou’s cheekbones, Mou’s steely eyed slouching, Khedergio sitting next to each other with Nuri on the other side and the like.  One thing I can say: Sami in person? FUCKING GORGEOUS. Much better looking than photographs. Nuri Sahin is equally handsome and does not even vaguely resemble a womyn with a “y” – that’s all on you, Real Madrid photographers. Sergio’s hair looked lovely. He’s sure digging that side part lately, isn’t he? Anyhow, we didn’t have to wait long for another goal and glory be, if it wasn’t Mesut Ozil. I screamed like a big ol’ freak and jumped about 20 feet in the air. Almost fell over from the dizziness as well, but I waved my flag and cheered my boy. It sure was a beautiful goal. He’s just absolutely amazing to watch in person. There’s a lightness to his step that is just magical. It doesn’t really come across on TV. We were all saying how graceful and gazelle-like he was. Couldn’t stop cooing over him (but when do I ever?).  We also cheered on shiggers’ beloved Iker, who looked like a sweaty canary on death’s door in that kit and Carvalho, somewhat crisper in white.


At first, it didn’t seem too bad, but the heat slowly got to us.  About  a half hour into the match, I was starting to feel REALLY crappy. Even with all the water and fanning myself, I started to feel dizzy and slightly disoriented.  I can’t even begin to imagine what was going on for the players on the field.  The half came and was filled with many unfortunate moments. First and foremost, there was a douche in the upper levels who kept hanging a Barca banner over the barricade to taunt the fans. People were booing, but why even engage that sort of idiocy, you know? I can’t believe that this person had nothing better to do then go out in 100 degree weather to wave a Barca banner at a Real game. I mean, way too much time on their hands and stupid to boot. If it wasn’t for the love of my team, I would have never subjected myself to heat stroke. I’d be sitting at home in the air conditioning. But you have to admire their dedication to…hatred. Well, actually, you don’t. Let’s just call the person a moron and be done with it.  I have to admit, a lot of the fans at the stadium worked my ever lovin’ last nerve. While some were very pleasant, many were rude as hell. They arrived late, constantly got up and walked around, blocked our view, etc. The seat crashers came down to the front non-stop during the second half  looking for vacated seats. Understandable, but find something and sit the fuck down. Quickly. Two huge beefy guys stood in front of us debating where to sit. They were blocking the game so we had to stand up to see around them which made the people behind us do the same and so on. I finally told them that we had actually paid for our seats to see the game, not to look at them standing in front of us and to sit the fuck down SOMEWHERE. Shiggers echoed the sentiment. So instead of taking the two empty aisle seats in front of us, they decided to shove into our row, past 10 people to the middle. Then they proceeded to leave after 20 minutes, disturbing everyone again. When the biggest beefiest dude passed me on his way out,  he muttered something under his breath and shoulder checked me HARD. I lost it and started screaming at him. I was absolutely furious that he had hit me. His friend hustled him out of there quickly. As well he should have. That guy was a complete pig. Everyone was pretty much in a foul mood by this time because the heat was really getting to us all. Poor Kristine moved into the row in front of us because everyone in her row was constantly disturbing her. No sooner than she moved rows, then everyone in THAT row started getting active. That poor girl. A saint, I tell you.  My head started to throb somewhere at the end of the first half and got worse and worse. Then my vision started to get hazy and go black around the edges. Uh oh. Lots of water was consumed and I sent a hasty prayer to the universe that I wouldn’t pass out during the match. Poor J-9 really started feeling bad and had to leave midway through the game to back to the hotel.  The second half brought us the beautiful skills of Fauxnando, Crissy and Marcelo along with Pepe and Kaka. It was such a delight to see them in action, even though the second half was messy. You could feel the exhaustion and the play slowed significantly. But we were hanging in there and still rooting for our boys, albeit with less jumping around than before.



Oh the sweatiness! Philly eked out a goal at the 80th minute and as the game neared the end, the announcer said there would be an additional 3 minutes time added. However, someone had mercy on both the players and the fans and called the game at 90 minutes. Temperature at the final whistle? A relatively balmy 97 F on the thermometer. We had talked about meeting up with people afterwards, but by this time, I could barely keep myself upright so we bid adieu to Kristine and trudged the short distance back to the hotel. We got a real kick out of the exuberant Union fan who kept chanting “WE ARE AWESOME! WE DIDNT GET SHUT OUT!” and tried to get everyone to join her. Her chanting devolved into some rather creative and hilarious slagging off of the Galaxy. I admired her ability to form words as I was pretty much unable to do much but grunt by this point. I have never been so happy to get into air conditioning in my life! Who knew I was such a delicate flower?! After sticking my head under the cold water tap, I attempted to get something to eat with the girls, but I was too nauseous. I retired to my hotel bed to put cold compresses on my head and neck. I was finally able to fall asleep but my nasty headache persisted all through the next day into last evening. (I told notoriousjk that I know positively that I had heat stroke because I dreamed that I was dating Cesc Fabregas and we spent all our time discussing the intricacies of politics and educational reform. The choice of discussion topics is very me, the choice of person? Not so much. However, in my fevered brain, Cescy was quite erudite!) Our trip back was fine and we arrived back in NYC to a cool 88 degrees. We made a beeline to the nearest pub, got a pint and reveled in  attentive wait staff (something we sorely missed in Philly). We toasted shiggers’ birthday and upcoming nuptials (y’all should see the ring, it’s gasp worthy. Huge, gorgeous and a family heirloom – well done, ginboonmiller! Your taste in rings – and broads – is impeccable).  Then it was back to Brooklyn and our home base The Black Horse to catch the end of the Copa America final.  Not only did Uruguay get the trophy, but they gifted us with a view of Martin Caceres’s schlong. I love how Dudley Hawk Right DeGeneres-McCononaughey is kissing the Copa while Caceres calmly texts away on his phone, hair in a bun, butt naked except for his sandals. Classic.  A perfect end to a weekend of footy hijinks. So, would I do it again? In a heartbeat. But next time, I’d bring some ice packs to shove down my clothing.  The heat had its upside – we didn’t get arrested because we didn’t have the energy to storm the pitch. Iker Casillas remains unmolested to the chagrin of shiggers, the joy of her fiance and undoubtedly, that of Sara Carbonero.  So what we saved in bail money can be put aside for our next excursion.  My biggest regret was not getting the chance to catch up with everyone. I sincerely hope we can make that happen at some future date. Shigs and I are going to see Juventus play tomorrow night here in NYC so I’ll report back on that and try to get my pictures up soon. I’d love to hear what the rest of you experienced at the match. Any funny stories? Did you meet any cool people? Did you try those crab fries that I saw people eating? (I’m ever curious about local cuisine) What was the best moment of the whole blast furnace of a day for you?

24 Responses to “Adventures in Heat Stroke”

  1. Kristine July 25, 2011 at 4:28 pm #

    Yay! It was so fun to meet you!! Too bad we were all near death by the end of the match. My trip back to my cousins was killer, i thought I might pass out on the train.
    Seeing our boys live and in action was wonderful despite the hideous temperature. I just couldnt get over how beautiful they are!!! Seriously, best looking team ever? Sergios thighs?? Omg! I kept staring at him with my binoculars. The first half was exciting, but by the second half I was feeling terrible for them. Poor Arbeloa looked like he was going to die.
    Can’t wait for the pics.
    Oh, and Shiggers ring! Definitely gasp worthy!

    • headbandsandheartbreak July 25, 2011 at 4:46 pm #

      I’m so glad you got home safe. I meant to get your number so you could text us because we were worried about you heading back on your own but then we got seperated and my brain completely shut down. 😦 The second half certainly sapped everyone’s will to live, didn’t it? I’m going to have to reform my life because if the fiery pits of Hell are anything like Saturday, I’m not down. So, in the future, look for this space to have 100% less profanity/objectification. We’re gonna be chock full of inspirational stories about Kaka and kittens from now on…

      Oh who the fuck am I kidding? I guess I’d best build up a tolerance to high temperatures. Do you think that they have Guinness in Hell? With my luck, there’s probably only Coors Light.

  2. Kristine July 25, 2011 at 4:59 pm #

    Glad you are ok! And thanks for the saintly vote but If I did have a machete with me….I’m not sure what might have happened. Do you know how many people spilled their beer on my feet???
    Kaka and kittens?ha! Don’t you dare!

  3. mari July 25, 2011 at 5:02 pm #

    *squeals* Mesut (or rather, the one who manages his FB page) just posted a photo of him with Benz. 😀

    I know i should be happy for you ladies because you got to see our boys play live(and Mesut scored!), but i feel sorry for what you have to go through.. *virtual hug*
    i heard it’s like a sauna out there. whew! still you guys are sooo lucky, waah, you got to see them. heaven knows when i’ll be able to watch a football game aside from our NT matches T.T hope to see more photos!

    • manie July 25, 2011 at 5:58 pm #

      So…I never really found Benz attractive. Cute, maybe, but borderline. But my goodness, what a tan does for him! (And some hair, and no weird facial hair markings).

  4. manie July 25, 2011 at 5:58 pm #

    Your experience looks AWESOME!!

  5. Cherrycake July 25, 2011 at 6:17 pm #

    Thanks for that beautiful report and for still being alive to tell the tale! Lol. I envy you inspite of all the sufferings. We really could use a little bit of that heat overhere in Germany. It has been cold and rainy for weeks now, and everybody is craving for some sun and warmth. But there is hope for the Berlin game on wednesday. At least they expect dry weather and temperatures around 20° C (68° F). Summer in Germany . . .

  6. Mais July 25, 2011 at 6:58 pm #

    OMG YAY FOR YOU GUYS!!! I was SO excited for you Lozil when Mesut scored a goal. I was shouting ‘OH MY GOD LOZIL IS SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!’ And my brothers were like ‘um, who’s Lozil?’ hahaha. I’m glad you guys had fun and enjoyed it! You got to see Sergio’s hair! *jealous sobs* 😉

  7. suzanne July 25, 2011 at 7:09 pm #

    well, i’m glad you made it out intact. sounds awful! well, the heat and fan part. so jealous you got to see our boys, though next year i will join y’all as i’m moving to yankeeland. that means anywhere from philly to ny to dc is in my vicinity and i will be there!!!
    omg martin O_o thanks for that 😉

  8. Andrea July 25, 2011 at 9:34 pm #

    What a great evening Saturday was! Despite the heat, the humidity, the idiots sitting in my section and the fact that Cris didn’t score…it was amazing!

    Lozil, I’m glad you’re feeling better. It really was brutal out there, I wouldn’t be surprised at all to hear that people had heat exhaustion. I had it once and it’s no picnic, that’s for sure. My friend and I survived, but I think that maybe we weren’t affected as much, as we’re both originally from the South and are more used to the humidity.

    I had so much fun – I definitely want to see them again during pre-season next year. Here’s hoping that they make it to the east coast again!

    For those who attended – did anyone get good pictures? I managed a couple of good shots, but was in the 16th row, so I was zooming in a lot 🙂

  9. mygypsyspirit July 25, 2011 at 10:54 pm #

    Lozil and I already chatted a bit about the heat.. I ended up nearly passing out too but I think that was partly because I’d been awake for so long. I think the only thing that managed to keep me going in the afternoon was running into Zizou at the hotel. And knowing I was going to see my beloved Xabi in just a few hours. Otherwise I would have been the biggest Boston bitch you’ve ever seen. Luckily my sister knows to keep me fed if I start to slide down the road to cranky.
    Unfortunately I didn’t get near enough water in me. Having passed out in a military formation only once in my five years in, I learned my lesson. I just was flying all day to get there…

    We ended up having front row seats right behind Philly Unions bench. When we got there our seats were being crowded because Sami, Nuri, Marcelo, Pepe, Fauxnando, Kaka and Cristiano were sitting on that bench. My photos are uploading now. I’ll shoot Lozil the link when I have them up.

    I have a new love for Albiol. When he first walked out, I was stunned. He is SO much better looking in person! Ozil too! It was like whoa…

    This was most definitely an adventure for everyone… Just sorry I missed Lozil! Glad you feel better!

  10. Dreamlover225 July 25, 2011 at 11:03 pm #

    The girls sitting next to me made a poster dedicated to Alvaro Arbeloa’s twitter account. They dubbed him the “king of twitter.” Before the game, Sergio R. and Albiol walk by. Albiol points to the poster and then gets Sergio’s attention, then Sergio smiles at them.

    During the game, I screamed Arbeloa’s name, he turned around and looked at their poster of him. So, when he walked off the pitch he signaled to them that he would give them his kit. A few minutes later, Real Madrid staff walked up to them and gave them Arbeloa’s #17 jersey. They said it was wet and smelled like cologne.

    Right before the half, the stars of RM came out right in front of us and started stretching and warming up. Soon,like twenty guys, came down the stairs and were screaming the players names and taking pictures of them. It was crazy and funny at the same time. I am 92% sure that Cristiano was looking at me. I waved at him when he was looking but he turned away. They didn’t wave at anyone, though. Weren’t very friendly during the game. I got back shots of the boys stretching as well. It was a dream come true to see them in person.

    • mygypsyspirit July 25, 2011 at 11:08 pm #

      I saw that RM staff guy walk by with the shirt. I know where you were sitting. He had to walk by us. Mandi and I were joking about how we’d seen him earlier at the hotel and he was making fun of the fans (he wasn’t really but we were joking about what we’d be thinking if we were staff).

      They weren’t friendly during the game because they’re focusing. It’s awesome that CR was looking at you though!

  11. Dreamlover225 July 25, 2011 at 11:05 pm #

    And cosign to your comment about Ramos….his hair is beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He looked so good and veryyyyy tanned. Plus, Kaka is incredibly good looking in person. Not that he doesn’t look good in pictures but in person he’s WOW!!

  12. maddy July 26, 2011 at 4:59 am #

    i’ll say it again…

    OMG YOU SAW OZIL SCORE.

  13. Anna July 26, 2011 at 8:06 am #

    Ive only just started reading your blog recently, but i love it!
    And I am unbelievabely jealous that you got to see them all in person, even though the heat sounds awful! I can’t believe how rude the fans sounded, and as if somebody took a barcelona flag 😐 i watched the friendlies on tv and i think it was the chivas match where there was two guys wearing barca shirts there as well 😡
    I was going to go and see madrid play against leicester when they come to england, but im on holiday so i cant, im devestated </3 but i cant get over the fact you got to see sergio and kaka in person!

    • mumblo July 26, 2011 at 10:20 am #

      I saw of a photo on flickr of these guys, I think. If so, they were actually from the NEW YORK penya — or at least that’s what it said on their banner! So they paid how much money to travel to Philly and get tickets to the match to do what, exactly? Obsessive much?

    • headbandsandheartbreak July 28, 2011 at 12:09 pm #

      I’m so glad you’re enjoying the blog! I saw several people wearing Barca shirts. I was surprised.

      That’s such a bummer that you’re going to miss the Leicester game. 😦

      I have to say *all* our boys were even handsomer in person, which is hard to believe because they’re already gorgeous.

  14. SierraGutierrez July 26, 2011 at 9:22 am #

    Have any of you seen this!?:

    http://ontd-football.livejournal.com/3512496.html#cutid1

    This is awful! A travesty! I feel so sorry for her!!!

    • mygypsyspirit July 26, 2011 at 10:45 am #

      That’s nearly exactly what happened to the girls next to us when Mou came over with a shirt for them!

  15. Anonymous July 26, 2011 at 1:51 pm #

    I had such a great time Saturday night as well… despite the heat. I was with my husband so I had to maintain a level of “maturity” at the site of the team 😉 but still screamed like crazy when Ozil scored! He’s well aware of my affections for the guy and yet was a good sport and took as many pictures as he could of him. Unfortunately, Ozil was so fast most of them turned out blurry! The heat was atrocious and almost unbearable, but all I could think of was how hot the players must have been. And they looked like they were suffering for sure. This was my very first match to watch in person and I have to say, it was awesome! Thankfully we had really good seats (row 21 behind the Union bench) so you could see the whole field at once… And what I loved was that you could truly see the team working together, as a machine, no matter where the ball was on the pitch which is different than watching on tv where you only see one section at a time. Very cool. And watching Mesut on the ball really was a treat… Others have said it, and it’s so true, he’s so graceful and quick, and intentional, and just absolutely impressive. I, too, had trouble with some of the fans and all of their getting up out of their seats. I was like, “Seriously people, it’s only 45 minutes, you’re going to waste 10 of those to go get some food?!? What’s wrong with you!

    • Anonymous July 26, 2011 at 1:56 pm #

      Sorry, I wasn’t done yet but the comment box wasn’t working properly! Anyways, at the half my husband got up and asked if I wanted to go get some air… I said no, and got to see the whole build up to the story posted above about Mesut’s jersey! I saw him remove it, give it to a photographer, point out who it was to go to, and then walk away. Then I saw the guy throw it up, all willy-nilly like into the stands and the hands of some Union fan who turns out to be a total prick. Just read her story and you’ll understand. I’m sorry Lozil, you had similar problems with some of the fans. My husband says he’d never to an Eagle’s game for that reason… the fans can be rude and obnoxious. I could go on, but feel I’ve reached my limit! Glad everyone survived!

      • headbandsandheartbreak July 28, 2011 at 12:14 pm #

        I could not believe how obnoxious the fans were. I could understand getting up to leave if you were sick or something, but Kristine can attest, these people could not frigging sit still! They were constantly up and down every few minutes. I don’t know what the hell they were doing. They didn’t appear to come back with food or drinks and everyone was so damn dehydrated from the heat that I doubt they were going to the loo. There wasn’t AC in the stadium. All I can figure is that they were…bored. We were in the 8th row and Kristine was in the 6th. How the hell are you bored sitting that close to the pitch. Also, I especially loved the people who showed up at 42 minutes in and were bitching because someone was sitting in their front row seats. OF COURSE SOMEONE TOOK YOUR FRONT ROW SEATS WHEN YOU DIDN”T SHOW UP FOR HALF THE GAME. Sigh. Okay, my blood pressure is rising just thinking about this idiots.

        My heart broke when I read Katee’s story. She’s a massive Ozil fan and didn’t deserve that sort of treatment. No one does. The asshole is probably going to try to sell the jersey on Ebay. It meant so much to her and absolutely nothing to him. WTF is wrong with people?

  16. kfunk22 July 26, 2011 at 11:11 pm #

    heatwaves and assholes – my two favorite things!
    oh, god, heatstroke is no joke, lo. i’ve experienced it in my time, and that shit is not fun. at all.

    but at least there were beautiful boys to look at – all sweaty, shiny and sparkly and just a few feet away! and i know you were stoked about mesut’s goal.

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