Absolutely And Utterly Do. Not. Want.

13 Aug

I really need to stay away from Instagram. I must. Tonight Kaka’s wife Carol said she wants to read (or is reading) the 50 Shades of Grey books and I almost had heart failure. I sounded like Shiggers when Kaka was walking towards us to do his corner at Yankees Stadium. I had a hand over my mouth in horror going “No, no, no, no, NO!”  The idea of this is just horrifying to me. It’s also kinda funny because this weekend on our road trip we decided to buy the book on a whim (okay, after quite a bit of whiskey) and dramatically read excerpts aloud while drinking cocktails with predictably hilarious results (poor ginboonmiller, he got dragged into a whole girls’ weekend experience and bless him, he rolled with it all). Is Kaka really gonna be down with Carol reading mommy porn?! Oy vey.

– Lozil


28 Responses to “Absolutely And Utterly Do. Not. Want.”

  1. shiggers August 13, 2012 at 11:51 pm #

    God help us all! How many must die because of this newest…whatever Kaka’s wife reading mommy porn is?! This does not bode well. Sorry, mygypsyspirit, but you know this ain’t going to be pretty.

  2. Mr. shiggers (nee ginnboonmiller) August 13, 2012 at 11:53 pm #

    Oh, my. My, oh my. On the one hand, watching shiggers read this post: Best Facial Expression EVER. On the other, I part my lips as if to draw in a breath, blink, and holy cow, Mr. Shiggers’ Lost Look!

    • headbandsandheartbreak August 14, 2012 at 12:01 am #

      Your Christian Grey Lost Look was so epic, I don’t think it could ever be topped. 🙂 and J-9’s definitely the Queen of Dramatic Reading, hands down.

    • headbandsandheartbreak August 14, 2012 at 12:02 am #

      Hopefully he doesn’t pick it up and get any ideas. Twist ties EVERYWHERE!

  3. Svfya August 14, 2012 at 12:16 am #

    Sounds as though all of you had the best weekend ever!

    Am quite shocked, not so much about Carol’s reading choices, but that she would make it public.

    • headbandsandheartbreak August 14, 2012 at 12:19 am #

      I know, right? It seems so weird that she would be sharing that with her followers!

      • jellyace August 14, 2012 at 9:05 am #

        Maybe she hasn’t read it yet…Bec if she did, she might backpaddle on this!

        Seems like you guys had a ton of fun meeting up!

  4. GinaM August 14, 2012 at 12:38 am #

    Hahaha I was thinking same thing!

    I read all 3 books and when I saw her posting I was like I wonder if she knows what these books are about hahaha

    • headbandsandheartbreak August 14, 2012 at 12:39 am #

      I would think the handcuffs on the cover might give her a hint!

      • GinaM August 14, 2012 at 12:43 am #

        Hahaha I hope she shares some of her thoughts after she reads them But I doubt she will lol!!!!

  5. MissLadya August 14, 2012 at 5:02 am #

    I think I’m the only one who still has little to no idea what the hell that book’s about, nor why it’s so controversial. I also think I’m one of the few who just doesn’t give a damn. I’ve heard people compare it to smutty fanfiction. Having been a fanfic writer/reader myself from the tender age of 14 until 21, I know all too well what that comparison means: amateur, painfully cliched storytelling (am resisting a Twilight joke here) with the sole purpose of building some sort of narrative around sex scenes. I’ll just save my money and hang around Fanfiction.net XD

    • Bombay Talkies (@BombayTalkies) August 14, 2012 at 8:59 am #

      The books aren’t in the least bit controversial (it’s just really boring BDSM written in a very misogynistic way by a woman who has clearly never experienced the kind of sex she writes about)–they’re just so poorly written it’s hilarious. There’s a good blog somewhere that does a chapter by chapter breakdown of the books–it’s worth looking up just so you can enjoy the laughs without having to waste your money on bad writing.

      • headbandsandheartbreak August 14, 2012 at 1:15 pm #

        If I didn’t know that E.L. James had kids, I wouldn’t think she had sex EVER after reading excerpts from that book. It’s a hoot. I can’t see anyone getting all steamed up about it. There’s a place here in NY that is doing a 50 Shades trivia night. I laughed myself sick when I saw that, I mean, what are they going to ask? “What gauge of steel were the handcuffs that Christian used on Anastasia?” “How many times did Christian spank Ana’s arse before her inner goddess danced?” And who would go to that?!?!

    • GinaM August 14, 2012 at 10:39 am #

      Just another romance novel… honestly when I got them I expected more but was disappointed when I read them. Not such a fan of the romance novels and some of the scenes were very descriptive lol. There are alot of sites that do a book summary if you want to find out.

    • Lizzie August 14, 2012 at 12:32 pm #

      I read a sample of the book and found it boring, but reread it in the voice of Samuel L. Jackson and Arnold Schwarzenegger, more entertaining 😀

      • headbandsandheartbreak August 14, 2012 at 1:16 pm #

        HAHAHA! That’s awesome! J-9 is a brilliant interpreter of the work, I must say. Much of it has to do with her facial expressions though. We were laughing so hard I thought we would pass out.

    • headbandsandheartbreak August 14, 2012 at 1:08 pm #

      It’s hilariously, awfully written. You can’t help but laugh your arse off. The first time the main character sees Christian Grey’s schlong she says “Holy cow!” XD The best part is that it really IS bad fanfic. The writer E.L. James created it as Twilight fanfic and then later just changed the names. I consider Twilight horribly written as well so when you get a Twilight knockoff… It’s soooooo bad. As I said, we bought it and did drunken interpretative readings of it – really the best way to experience it.

  6. gillian rosheuvel (@mezz98) August 14, 2012 at 2:27 pm #

    I. Just. Can’t.

    • Caro H August 14, 2012 at 3:46 pm #


      Lack the ability.

      But most of all I REFUSE TO.

      This is a slippery slope. Road to perdition. And it ends with her stumbling upon Real Madrid slash where Cristiano corrupts her hubby.

  7. juni August 14, 2012 at 4:16 pm #

    Thanks guys. Your’ll just saved me from buying the set for my mum. Its still a big thing here in South Africa, what with books flying off the shelves. I definitely think Carol doesn’t know what its about yet, shame, she’s gonna regret tweeting that!

    • headbandsandheartbreak August 14, 2012 at 4:58 pm #

      That might be an awkward conversation. “Juni, why did you buy me poorly written BDSM-lite books?” “Um sorry, mum! I thought they were something completely different! 😉

  8. canadanata August 14, 2012 at 6:14 pm #

    OMG OMG OMG, this post AND responses totally made my day!!! ALL was just to funny!!! (I am on 3rd book now though shamed to say)

    • headbandsandheartbreak August 21, 2012 at 10:59 am #

      Hey, everyone has a guilty pleasure! My personal shame? I have religiously watched every cycle of America’s Next Top Model. Granted, I watch it while eating ice cream and laughing, but EVERY SINGLE CYCLE. 😉

  9. sweethearthalo August 15, 2012 at 10:00 am #

    The post and the responses are so so so good. Better than the book and the sex in it 😉

    • GourcuffLover August 20, 2012 at 10:22 pm #

      Exaclty !!! Thought the same thing. It sounded like you had a great time girls.

  10. GourcuffLover August 20, 2012 at 10:24 pm #

    Maybe Carol picked it up to get tips of the bdsm to use on Kak’s….hahaha.


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