The Daily Drool – Drool Amnesty: Zlatan Ibrahimovic

29 Apr

Vanity_Fair_Zlatan_Ibrahimovic_02Sigh. Okay, after almost a month of you showing me yours, it’s time to show you mine and it’s…Zlatan. Listen, I used to loathe this guy. I used to say he was my ultimate up-against-the-wall hate fuck, but somewhere along the way, it just turned into straight up love. I find him FASCINATING. He’s just… so Zlatan. As he would say, “There is only one Zlatan.” And he is magnificent. The dude is a walking sound bite, larger than life in every way. Watishista forzasusan shares my Zlove (sweet dreams, girlie!) as do several of you.There was plenty said about this total he man in the comments by you watishistas: “*cough* Zlatan. The feminist in me just loathed that ‘get back in the kitchen’ comment he made to that italian sports journo, then i saw a photo of him with his top off. And then one on kickette where I must have stared for a good 10 minutes trying to work out if his cock was that big or it was a short fold. Turns out arrogant shits with big noses are my cup of tea.Oh and I’m completely shallow ” (la-la) “He can’t be all bad, He’s married to Helena and he’s probably scared of her… Frankly, I would do him in a heartbeat. There’s something so terrifyingly sexy about a guy who invites his Sweden teammates to his hunting lodge and serves them up a wild boar THAT HE KILLED HIMSELF. OMG. BLOOD LUST” (Jenny) “Zlatan is on a whole different playing field. that asshole-ish way that he has about him just makes me want him so badly! i don’t know why, or how, but i’m so in love with him. IMAGINE the things he could do behind closed doors…” (JK)

He’s got a long term partner, Helena Seger, who he called (admiringly) “evil super bitch deluxe” and compared to Tony Montana in Scarface. She may be the only woman in the world who can tame him (lord knows, I’d sure like to try especially since he goes for older women). They have two absolutely adorable sons, Maximilian and Vincent. Oh you Zlicious, Zlexy man! I hate myself for loving you!

43 Responses to “The Daily Drool – Drool Amnesty: Zlatan Ibrahimovic”

  1. Forzasusan April 29, 2013 at 7:38 am #

    Guilty as charged!! And that’s a zlawesome shot of him!

    • headbandsandheartbreak April 29, 2013 at 9:46 am #

      That’s his “please baby please” face and yes, I know that Zlatan would never beg a mere mortal for anything, but he’s just humoring us in that shot. 🙂

  2. kristine April 29, 2013 at 8:41 am #

    I can’t even tell you how sick and twisted my fantasies are,about this man. As much as I love Sergio..Zlatan does things to me. Men with long, lean muscles and big noses are my thing, so Zlatan is the ultimate. And, I have no guilt for loving him.
    P.S. most of my fantasies included both him and Sergio..yin and yang. Ever see the movie “Savages” ?

    • headbandsandheartbreak April 29, 2013 at 9:43 am #

      I’m a fan of big noses as well, probably because I have one and I’m very vain about it. 😉 Savages, you say? Hmmmm, must look that up!

      • kristine April 29, 2013 at 11:18 am #

        Yes, go rent it! That is my fantasy living situation. Haven’t gotten it yet, but there is still time!

    • Rose April 29, 2013 at 1:38 pm #

      Well, well girl, Savages style, eh?!

      True story: I was watching a movie at a drive-in theater, and this was playing on one of the screens. I was like “OMG, that is really hot, but think if the children!” Seriously, they showed that on the screen that was right next to the one playing a cartoon.

      • kristine April 29, 2013 at 2:31 pm #

        Hmmm. That ain’t good about the kids.
        But, yeah..I’ve definitely had lots of “adventures” in my life. But, I’ve yet to get that living situation. Since I was young,living with two men has always been my desire. One nice guy and one not so nice guy…

  3. drea April 29, 2013 at 9:15 am #

    I understand the fascination. I don’t know if I’d actually get down and dirty with the big Z, but I definitely see what you see.

  4. Dia April 29, 2013 at 9:45 am #

    Count me in as a Z-lover. I like his attitude. And his bashing of of PepG in his book made me love him more. His game, though, is what makes this man great. Love him.

  5. number1barcachick April 29, 2013 at 9:53 am #

    “evil super bitch deluxe” wow that is something ahhh zlathan im still undecided about him though i love his bromance with maxwell

  6. Mehreh April 29, 2013 at 9:54 am #

    i feel no shame in my love for zlatan. especially his new bromance with becks. i don’t have his book in paperback yet, but i have the ipad app and it’s actually a good read. i don’t blame him for feeling the way he did at barca.

    • drea April 29, 2013 at 2:58 pm #

      And before Becks, there was the thing with Jeremy Menez. And then there’s Maxwell, of course. Hmmm. Will you look at that? Zlatan’s a bit of a man-ho!

      • Mehreh April 29, 2013 at 3:05 pm #

        his love is fierce and can’t be contained to just one bromance.

        • headbandsandheartbreak April 29, 2013 at 3:07 pm #

          How can we forget his star crossed romance with Pique? And then Abate? 🙂

          • Mehreh April 29, 2013 at 4:27 pm #

            i know that most famous pic of them isn’t a kiss and is more of a bro-hug, but i like to think it was a smooch.

  7. M April 29, 2013 at 10:51 am #

    Have you read his book? It’s a must read – it really doesn’t matter if you are a fan or not. It’s just that amazing/interesting. 🙂

  8. kfunk22 April 29, 2013 at 11:59 am #

    ha! i was wondering who yours was. i love ibra! he’s a pleasure to watch play, and his antics off the pitch are endlessly fascinating.

  9. shiggers April 29, 2013 at 12:16 pm #

    I’m very proud of you for fessing up, Lozil! There may be no shame in amnesty month, but if we’d gotten to the end of it without finding out about your (not-so-secret) drool, next month would be about the shaming.

    • headbandsandheartbreak April 29, 2013 at 1:50 pm #

      See, I know better than to do that. I knew you would out me. You have all the good blackmail material!

  10. mygypsyspirit April 29, 2013 at 12:20 pm #

    After all the conversations we’ve had and I did not know this?! I’m disappointed in you!

    • headbandsandheartbreak April 29, 2013 at 1:50 pm #

      I am so surprised you don’t know this. I talk about him all the frigging time!

      • Mehreh April 29, 2013 at 4:29 pm #

        i notice you mention him, but any crush was well concealed. i’m proud of you. my baller crushes are as obvious (to me) as, well, the nose on my face.

      • mygypsyspirit April 29, 2013 at 4:45 pm #

        Yeah, but I didn’t think it meant… I’m thick! I’m so thick! THICK THICK THICK!

  11. consuela April 29, 2013 at 2:01 pm #

    Have any of you read his book? It was really fascinating! And it is no wonder that he is what he is because of his childhood… Love me some Zlatan!

  12. number1barcachick April 29, 2013 at 5:26 pm #

    i have an idea for another amnesty month what about wag month the wags we girl crush on

  13. Elisha Buckley (@elishasmells) April 29, 2013 at 5:38 pm #

    He’s everything I should HATE but for some reason I don’t! Damn you Zlatan!

  14. jellyace April 29, 2013 at 8:01 pm #

    He’s not my crush but he is fascinating.

  15. Gillian Rosheuvel (@mezz98) April 29, 2013 at 9:12 pm #

    My name is Gillian, and I am a Zlatan-aholic. Ain’t ashamed to admit it. The picture at the head of this post makes me straight up swoon. I started following Ligue 1 just for this man!

    I am reading his book – I Am Zlatan. Love. Just LOVE.

  16. headbandsandheartbreak April 29, 2013 at 11:18 pm #

    Did anyone else notice how in that picture Zlatan’s eyebrows are combed up in little horns which contrasts fabulously with the sweet and innocent look? 🙂

  17. JK April 29, 2013 at 11:25 pm #

    Oh god, what i would do to him! But let’s be honest, it’d be more about what he’d do, because we all know he’s going to be the one to take charge. And i’m more than willing to find out.

  18. Matea May 1, 2013 at 11:12 am #

    He’s so good that it hurts! 🙂
    By the way, I’ve read some articles lately about him having an affair with Sylvie van der Vaart, don’t know if it’s true or not..

    • headbandsandheartbreak May 1, 2013 at 12:22 pm #

      Really? I find that hard to believe. Zlatan seems pretty devoted to his lady. Also,I think Helena would break his ass in half if he stepped out on her. Is Sylvie even in Paris?

      • Matea May 1, 2013 at 3:54 pm #

        I’ve read that they were at a dinner (at, they really keep me informed about all the gossip that has to do with Bundesliga 🙂 ) and I’ve found some article on English so I don’t have to translate…

        To me it also seems unreal, but who knows….

        • headbandsandheartbreak May 1, 2013 at 4:20 pm #

          Yeah, that seems tenuous at best. They reportedly had dinner. Bild is also not known for it’s reliability. I’d take it all with a grain of salt. I have to reiterate, I think Evil Super Bitch Deluxe would wear his cojones as a necklace if he attempted that. 😉

          • Matea May 2, 2013 at 11:35 am #

            Hahahah, yeah, she seems really dangerous! And she next to Zlatan, she has to be 🙂 I hope it’s not true because they are really a beautiful family.

            • Matea May 2, 2013 at 11:36 am #

              *without “she” 🙂


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