Your 2013 Tishies Winners! (Divisions IV-VI)

And now it’s time for your Division IV-VI winners! Are you ready? Let’s go!

DIVISION IV: TOTAL OBJECTIFICATION

Best Arms – Sergio Ramos

Sese’s tatted up guns were your fave with 40% of the vote. Cristiano’s did it for 20% of you.

Most Bootylicious – Fernando Torres

No buts about it (bad pun completely intended), you felt that Nando deserved to retain his bootylicious crown with a whopping 66% . Pipita came in second with 12%

Best Chest – Cristiano Ronaldo

After not getting that many votes in last year’s Tishies, Cris is doing quite well this year. He took this category with 32% to Sergio’s 29%.

Best Abs – Cristiano Ronaldo

Man, I’m almost offended for poor Sergio and his abs. Last year, he was the early favorite and lost out to Thiago Alcantara in a surprise upset. This year, he was beat out by Cristiano (37%) by 2 votes!

Prettiest Eyes – Jesus Navas

Jesus takes the crown again with 31%. Sergio (again) comes in second with 15% but Isco was only 2 votes behind him!

Best Smile – Kaka

Let it be known that Shiggers officially hates 25% of you for making this win for Kaka happen. The 20% who voted Marcelo into second place are okay though.

Person Who Should Most Become Allergic To Clothing In 2014 – All of Real Madrid 
Y’all are greedy! Why have one guy be naked when you can have a whole team’s worth. So said 38% of you about Real Madrid.  Sergio “Always a bridesmaid, never a bride” Ramos took 20%.

Biggest Heartbreaker – Sergio Ramos

FINALLY! The Ramos takes another category (I expected him to lay waste to this entire division, tbh, and leave everyone eating his dust). Thanks to 37% of you for unbreaking his heart while he broke your’s. Pipita had 23% with Mesut only 2 votes behind, nipping at his heels.

Hottest Team – Real Madrid

56% of you find Los Blancos the hottest of the hot. While 20% go for the Spanish National Team.

DIVISION V: JUST FOR FUN

Most Watish-able – Fernando Torres

You sure do love Nando! He got 78% of the vote to retain his title. Sergio came in second with 10%.

Whore With More – Sergio Ramos

Victory! Sergio wins this year’s Ballon W’hore! He beat out last year’s winner, Pipita, 43% to 28%. Muppet Baby Casemiro made an excellent debut with 17%!

Favorite Bromance – Sergio Ramos/Fernando Torres (Sernando)

Once again, Sernando takes the crown! (58%). And it’s easy to see why. Even when they’re apart, they’re bromancing. Gonzalo Higuain/Raul Albiol (Albiolita) came in second with 6%. Sergio/Iker (Seriker) and Cristiano/Kaka (Criska) shared third place with 5%. 

Best Use of Social Media – TIE – Juan Mata & David Luiz

It’s a tie! David Luiz won this last time but he’s got to share this year’s laurels with Juanin. They got 17%  Everyone’s fave hipster pirate, (and Juan’s bestie), Esteban Granero came in second with 14%

“Step Away From The Instagram” Award For Worst Use of Social Media -Karim Benzema

Le Roi de Visage de Canard needs to get a grip according to 63% of you. Neymar got 14% of you to say “It’s gotta stop”

The Best Duck Face Award/Best FB Upload Award (aka the Karim Benzema Award)

Karim easily won his namesake award for the second year in a row with 81%. It must be a French thang because his countryman Remy Cabella came in second with 11%.

New Bromance on the Block – Cristiano Ronaldo & Gareth Bale (Crisba)

Can you feel the love tonight? Well, 33% percent of you certainly did with Crisba. Gareth will probably be squeeing over the fact that everyone sees and co-signs their true wuv in his secret diary. All the Real Madrid Muppet Babies & their many interlocking bromances took 21% of the vote.

Kit I’d Most Like To See On My Bedroom Floor

Well, I kinda screwed this category up royally. I put Real Madrid as an option twice and it got 18% and 8% of the vote. So I guess if you add that up, it comes to 26%. However, Sergio got 21% and it’s much more fun to look at him stripping off his kit rather than a picture of a plain old Real Madrid kit, so I declare him the winner. I didn’t think you’d mind. Hey, he’d be leaving a Real Madrid kit on your floor so it’s almost like a two-fer! 

WAG Who Wa-tishes The Most – Nagore Aranburu (Xabi Alonso)

The fabulous Nagore certainly doesn’t mind showing off pictures of her gorgeous hubby. That willingness got her 29% of the vote. The adorable Clarice Alves (Marcelo) came in second with 23%.

DIVISION VIl: NATIONAL TEAMS

Most Valuable National Team Player – Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal)

CR7 rocked it with 39% of the votes while Sweden’s Zlatan Ibrahimovic came in second with 17%

Best National Team Newbie/Best Debut – Raphael Varane (France)


The Baby got 59% percent of the vote for his debut. Isco Alarcon (Spain) ended up in second with 29%

Most National Team Pride – Iker Casillas (Spain)

Spain’s captain Iker got 42% while Portugal’s captain Cristiano took second.

Most Questionable National Team Kits – Spain Confederation Cup

39% of you were not fond of Spain’s Confederation Cup kit while 34% weren’t digging Mexico’s strip. Croatia wasn’t far behind in third place though with 28%.

Best National Team Kit – Germany

Germany had your fave national team kit (35%) while second place went to Spain (31%). Remember – this was supposed to be for 2013!

And that’s a wrap! Thanks so much for all your votes and making the Second Annual Tishies so much fun. We’ll see you next year for the 2014 Tishies!

– Lozil