World Cup 2014 – Karim Benzema: Menace II Society

26 Jun

10401571_661821107244101_654793905_nI mean, it’s one thing if young ‘uns like Antoine Griezmann want to fangirl over Karim like he’s Harry Styles and emulate his poor hair choices. But it’s something completely different when Karim’s follicular tragedies unduly influence one of our best and brightest fully grown men.  Yes, someone else has fallen under the sway of the dead animal pelt coiffure. And it breaks my heart to tell you who.

Portugal's Cristiano Ronaldo is seen at the start of their 2014 World Cup Group G soccer match against Ghana at the Brasilia national stadium in BrasiliaCris. Yes, Cris.  Or rather, no Cris no. I can’t for the life of me understand why you of all people would want to rock Karim Benzema’s hand me down hair cut.

Portugal's Cristiano Ronaldo looks on before the start of their 2014 World Cup Group G soccer match against Ghana at the Brasilia national stadium in BrasiliaAs long as you don’t go for the Bleachpocalypse next, I’m willing to overlook this provided you grow that shit out before the season kicks off. This sort of hairdo is a gateway drug for future follicular suckage and it’s a slippery slope, my friend. This seems like a cry for help. One day you’re Cristiano Ronaldo, the next you’re David James. Friends don’t let friends sport that kinda hair. I’m dropping these truth bombs because I care.

I can only assume that this is some sort of misguided self-flagellation because you guys got knocked out the World Cup (I’m really, really, REALLY sorry about that, but, um, thanks for the goal? Today you are truly an American hero) but sweetie, you did your best and you were injured and DON’T DO THIS TO YOURSELF! Go get some rest, spend some time with Junior (he always makes you smile), go on vacation with your stunning supermodel girlfriend, have your mom cook you your favorite meal. Wallow for a bit, then get that knee better, fix the hair game and we’ll see you in the US in August for the pre-season.

With all the love in the world,


3 Responses to “World Cup 2014 – Karim Benzema: Menace II Society”

  1. Sweet June 26, 2014 at 5:45 pm #

    I read somewhere (maybe here!) that he carved a z-shape on the side of his head to honor the kid with brain cancer he’s sponsoring.

    He looks like a mannikin in these pix!


    Glad he scored.


    • headbandsandheartbreak June 26, 2014 at 6:01 pm #

      I’m pretty sure that you didn’t read that here unless it was in one of the watishista correspondent posts. I didn’t post it because there was only one Twitter account saying it and there was no reference as to where they got the information. All these other news outlets picked up the story and ran with it, but the only info on it was traced back to the Twitter posting. It would be great if it were true, but it appears to be a hoax. Cris did pay for the little boy’s surgery, but that was back in March. He didn’t have surgery this past week.

  2. jellyace June 27, 2014 at 2:14 pm #

    So many wild hair don’ts in this World Cup!

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