*Well, Sepp Blatter and Michel Platini aren’t actually dead, but their careers certainly are. Glory hallelujah! It’s a Christmas miracle!
They both received an 8 year ban from anything football-related today. Blatter, as usual, was defiant, denied any wrong doing and said “I’ll be back.” I wouldn’t count on that, buddy. He blamed the US for his drama saying that if we had been given the 2022 World Cup none of this would have happened. ::uncontrollable laughter:: Yes, that’s exactly what happened. America was just that butt hurt that we thought “Fuck it, let’s topple FIFA.” I mean, surely it had nothing to do with the bribery and corruption that has been the norm for years. Nothing. /sarcasm Do I think this will solve FIFA’s issues? Hell no. But it’s a start.