Marcelo Reaches 350 & Sese Promises A Surprise

21 Mar

Satellite (2)The match vs. Sevilla marked the 350th appearance by Marcelo for Los Blancos!

This required half naked poses in the locker room, Cristiano looking like a burnished redwood tree and Karim copping pec feels. I would expect no less from Team Show Me On The Doll. Sadly, Sergio isn’t around anywhere to put his hands inappropriately high on someone’s thigh. He’s probably flashing them off camera. And I gotta say boys, you could have gotten a whole lot more naked. This is not up to your usual standards. C’mon! It’s for Marcelo!

Obligatory Posing With The ‘Peez


Marcelo played his 350th game for Real Madrid against Sevilla
by Alberto Navarro

“I am very happy but I want more and I am not going to stop here”, said the Brazilian, as Florentino Pérez gave him a commemorative shirt.

Marcelo is in good spirits. In the game against Sevilla he placed himself amongst the group of players who have played 350 official games for Real Madrid. The Brazlian has played 256 La Liga games, 62 Champions League games, 23 Cup games, 6 Spanish super cup games, 2 Club World Cup games and 1 European Supercup Game.

At the end of the game, club President Florentino Perez gave him a commemorative shirt for having reached this milestone. Marcelo showed his happiness for reaching 350 games and said: “I am very happy. When I arrived here it was unthinkable and I want to keep doing more. I thank my teammates and family because without them it would be impossible. I am turning a dream into a reality and I hope to do so for many more years. it is incredible but I want more and I don’t want to stop here. The President has congratulated me and given a shirt”.

The game against Sevilla
“We played well. It was an intense game, but we knew how to play well and we kept hold of the ball well. We were strong defensively. Keylor is a fantastic goalkeeper. It is not easy to make those saves. He works hard and earns his credits”.

He is already the third foreign player with the most games for Real Madrid.

“The BBC brings a lot to the team. It is great to watch when they score and create assists amongst themselves. There is still a lot of time left for us to get better and we want to keep improving. Now we have a small break, but later on we have a great game: el Clásico. We will give everything in order to win”.

Only Roberto Carlos and Di Stéfano ahead
Real Madrid’s second captain is, the third foreign player with the most official games for the club, topped only by his compatriot Roberto Carlos, who has 527, and Di Stéfano who has 396. Marcelo has scored 25 goals in his 350 games in white.

He has won everything
No title has eluded the Brazilian in his 10 seasons with Real Madrid. Among his haul features 1 European Cup, 1 Club World Cup, 1 European Super Cup, 3 la Liga titles. 2 Copa del Rey titles and two Spanish Super Cups.


Sergio Ramos: Coming Soon

View this post on Instagram

Próximamente./ Coming soon.

A post shared by Sergio Ramos (@sergioramos) on

Sese released this clip today. I love how ominous it sounds. Maybe Kaka wrote the copy, Shigs? “Many of you have asked me. Others have searched for me. You’ll find me soon.

While sitting in on a particular boring conference call today, I let my mind wander while musing on this. I tried that old game you play with Chinese fortune cookies where you add the words “in bed” to the end of every sentence. That worked pretty well: “Many of you have asked me…in bed. Others have searched for me…in bed. You’ll find me soon…in bed.”And lest we forget the photo caption: “Coming soon…in bed.” Yes, I would be 100% on board with that, Sergio. Thanks. That kept me occupied for awhile until I was called on to discuss website analytics. Talk about a dash of cold water.

Anyhow, I figure he’s talking about a new website. That’s fine. I have high hopes for it and a few suggestions, of course.

First, I think he needs an interactive Dress The Ramos feature like Cher’s closet in Clueless.

Can you imagine the hours of fun you could have dressing the Ramos in a variety neon pants, girl shirts and horrible hats? (And yeah, you could undress him too). Everything would be a mismatch and you’d get a buzzer if something actually went together and didn’t look heinous.

A Ramos Style online shop where you can buy various Virgin Mary t-shirts, giant belt buckles, bejeweled beer cozies and coffee mugs emblazoned with “I will go down with this ship!” You can choose from the following ship names: Sernando, Seriker, Sergzil, Sertormata, Serguti, Seraul, Serguain, SerEveryone and SerPique (the Hate Sex Edition).

Tattoo Who? Tattoo You! section: Sergio-branded shitty tattoo designs that you can take to your local artist. So what if he looks at you in horror and says “DO YOU SERIOUSLY WANT A CROSS THAT LOOKS LIKE A PENIS ON YOUR ARM?” Pshaw! Of course you do! (While you’re at it, you can get a replica of Mesut’s legendary Only God Can Fudge Me ink complete with weeping lion at sunset, because you just know Sergio had some input on that design.) For those not brave enough to make it permanent, there will be temporary tattoos. So time to get that tat of Sergio’s dad on your arm or his best friend’s initial right above your junk, just like our Sese.

Sergio Serenades: A whole section of Sergio crooning power ballads. Be prepared for lots of Mariah Carey and Marc Anthony. Because Sergio.

Since Sergio seems to spend an inordinate amount of time at the mall, there will be an area for all of Sergio’s haul videos. He’ll share his latest purchases: Louis Vuitton wash bags, DSquared t-shirts, jeans that look like a pit bull tore them apart in a frenzy and then pissed on them (which cost over $1K), garish and inexplicable Frankencoats, so-10-years-ago trucker hats, shirts covered in more animals than you’ve seen in the average zoo (Aardvarks! Pygmy goats! Blue-tongued skinks!) and everything in a wide range of colors not found in nature. I. Can’t. Wait.

Interior Decorating With Sergio Ramos: A web series hosted by Sese that teaches how to pick the perfect zebra skin for your entrance hall, why a papier mache eagle head above your bed brings all the girls and boys to the yard and how to pick the right couch to create that 70s pR0n flick ambiance for your living room. I think we could all learn a lot here, kids.

The photo galleries will chart his style “evolution”, every hair “event” (The Wild Stallion, corn rows, the Haircut Heard Round The World, Bleach Blonde Himbo, etc.) and the endless parade of women who have graced his arm over the years. He definitely needs a Bromance Across Borders gallery. Sese has bros in different area codes. Sheesh. Can you imagine if it he left that out? (Those last two galleries come with a chart so you can keep track of the many loves of the Ramos).

Sese’s pet corner: A listing of his seemingly endless amount of dogs and horses. And hopefully, the answer to a mystery that has plagued us for years: What the hell happened to Odie?

The new “surprise” drops on his birthday, March 30th. Bring it on!

– Lozil

12 Responses to “Marcelo Reaches 350 & Sese Promises A Surprise”

  1. hopechaser March 21, 2016 at 9:59 pm #

    It’s a bit scary and a bit impressive how much thought you put into this. 😉

  2. M March 22, 2016 at 8:53 am #

    omg I laughed so much reading this post. It was literally a non stop giggling thing. Brilliant stuff. Your crackfic must be legendary good.

    • headbandsandheartbreak March 22, 2016 at 11:27 am #

      Why thank you! 🙂 As my friends can attest, my brain is one giant crackfic. I actually talk like this and once I start going, I can keep it up for hours. But oddly enough, I don’t actually write crackfic! Unless posts on this blog count. 🙂

  3. mygypsyspirit March 22, 2016 at 4:50 pm #

    A much needed laugh. I’m kind of super bitch today

    • headbandsandheartbreak March 22, 2016 at 5:08 pm #

      You and me both. I don’t even have the heat and humidity you have as an excuse!

      • mygypsyspirit March 23, 2016 at 3:56 pm #

        It’s surprisingly dry. Apparently it’s actually a desert. And I thought I was getting away from those….

  4. jellyace March 23, 2016 at 10:31 am #

    Your imagination is in fine form! Thank you for the laughs!

    • headbandsandheartbreak March 23, 2016 at 11:34 am #

      It’s been awhile since I have let it run free! I think once I move and get settled, I’ll have more time to write and be less stressed. Then I will compose sonnets to Sergio’s wardrobe. 🙂

  5. Mandy March 23, 2016 at 1:05 pm #

    So, Cris goes on vacation for a couple days and comes back with wood stain all over his body? What color is that? So awkward.


  1. Wednesday Training, Interviews & Sese’s Launch | Of Headbands and Heartbreak... - March 30, 2016

    […] also launched his new website today. Sadly, he didn’t take any of my suggestions for content. Sheesh. (To be fair, he did include a part on his horse and music, but not exactly how […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: