Little Shop Of (Denim) Horrors

So I was in the Century 21 (a big NYC discount store) and ran into a collection of denim clearly curated by Sergio and Guti because let’s be honest, who else could it be?

Something That Did NOT Make My Day: Llorente Fashion Horror

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Cenando en @mexndco con mi amigo Damian / Cena in @mexndco con il mio amico Damian / Having dinner at @mexndco with my friend Damian

A post shared by Fernando Llorente (@llorente_fer) on Jun 16, 2015 at 2:40pm PDT

Lord knows I love me some Lion King but is that a leather jacket with jorts? Oh hells no, my Llove.  A sick part of me wants to know what shoes he’s wearing. I’m betting they are mandals. Just a sneaky feeling. His poor friend Damian has an expression like “Oh…um…do we really need to share a picture of this moment, dude? You’re….I mean I’m not really dressed properly and um, yeah okay, whatever. ::resigned sigh::” Let’s cleanse the palate by enjoying some Fer in Armani.

– Lozil

Throwback Thursday Hair Horror

As you all know, we here at HB & HB  love to bitch and moan about the horrific hairstyles ‘ballers foist upon us. But honestly, kids, we don’t know real pain. I thought I’d just remind y’all what that’s about. But warning: this is not for the faint of heart. Case in point: Luis Figo who is looking all suave and urbane in the fotito above. Sure, he sometimes wears challenging attire when playing golf, but that’s whimsical. Cute, right? Mildly quirky! Well, back in 1991, Figo looked like this…

World Cup 2014 – Karim Benzema: Menace II Society

I mean, it’s one thing if young ‘uns like Antoine Griezmann want to fangirl over Karim like he’s Harry Styles and emulate his poor hair choices. But it’s something completely different when Karim’s follicular tragedies unduly influence one of our best and brightest fully grown men.  Yes, someone else has fallen under the sway of the dead animal pelt coiffure. And it breaks my heart to tell you who.

It Just Keeps Getting Better!

Man, I love the Ballon D’or. This is what Dani Alves chose to wear for his portrait. And you think that’s merely an ugly ass Cosby sweater? Oh no, people, it has leather fringe!

UPDATED: That Awkward Moment When You Match The Red Carpet

As promised, Messi’s red suit. This screenshot doesn’t show how horrifically shiny it is, but the next one gives you an idea.

Okay, Sese, You’re Off The Hook (For Now)

So someone has actually out Sergio Ramosed Sergio Ramos in the fashion department. Not possible you say? Well, I beg to differ.  I give you the fashion stylings of Barca’s Alex Song.

Now normally I wouldn’t pay much attention to Alex now that he’s no longer a Gunner, but I stumbled upon John Brennan’s article on SWOL and had to share the photos he compiled because they are jaw dropping.  I think I’m going to need to check Song’s Instagram regularly.

Let’s start out with a mild one. Red jeans, green shoes. ::shrug:: That’s just Guti going out to get a newspaper, right? But that’s just the tip of the fashion disaster iceberg.

Silas From The Da Vinci Code Gives Presser/Jese Interview

Yeah, the Sergio’s hideous hair jokes keep coming. Not my fault he’s rocking the Silas look. Our bleached blonde boy met the press yesterday.

Updated: The Team Heads To The US, Sergio Apparently Has Head Injury & Thinks He’s Neymar

You better take off your clothes a lot this summer. Just sayin’

There is no other explanation for him showing up with that shitshow of a hairdo. Xabi Alonso is off screen vomiting into a trash can. Sese, why you wanna ruin The Pretty?! ::shudder::

The team is all back together! The rest of the squad arrived, had their medicals and then headed for the airport. UPDATED TO ADD MORE PICTURES FROM THE PLANE

Hair (So Very) Apparent

“What do you mean by ‘what’s wrong with your hair?!’ My hair is perfect!”

Please forgive me for getting this post up so late, but I’ve been sitting and staring at these pictures from our new away kit launch for hours trying to figure out what I could possibly say. I’m truly at a loss about Karim’s barnet. It looks like someone took a crap on his head. I’m serious! And the worst part is that they exposed innocent children to that montrosity during a Q & A session.  Let’s take a look at it up close, shall we?