Updated: The Team Heads To The US, Sergio Apparently Has Head Injury & Thinks He’s Neymar

28 Jul

You better take off your clothes a lot this summer. Just sayin’

There is no other explanation for him showing up with that shitshow of a hairdo. Xabi Alonso is off screen vomiting into a trash can. Sese, why you wanna ruin The Pretty?! ::shudder::

The team is all back together! The rest of the squad arrived, had their medicals and then headed for the airport. UPDATED TO ADD MORE PICTURES FROM THE PLANE

Nope doesn't look better when accessorized with aviators & a grin

Nope, doesn’t look any better when accessorized with aviators & a grin

Palate cleansing sex-ay llok

Palate cleansing sex-ay look

Ancelotti called up 28 players for the US tour:

Goalkeepers: Casillas, Diego López, Jesús and Tomás Mejías.
Defenders: Varane, Pepe, Ramos, Coentrão, Marcelo, Carvajal, Arbeloa, Nacho, Casado and Mateos.
Mldfielders: Khedira, Kaká, Özil, Xabi Alonso, Modric, Di María, Illarramendi, Isco, Casemiro and Cheryshev.
Forwards: Ronaldo, Benzema, Morata and Jesé.

UPDATE 2: Adan ended up staying behind to work on his transfer.

The players buddied up on the plane (oh how I miss the Double As, Pipa and Calleti right now!)

Salida_hacia_USA (1)

Aw, Karim’s so happy! He knows he off the hook for having the worst hair now!

Ain't no party like a goalkeeper party...

Ain’t no party like a super tall goalkeeper party…

Muppet babies!

Muppet babies!

New guys! Asco? They're hard to portmanteau.

New guys! Asco? They’re hard to portmanteau.

Arbie is getting a tad shaggy. Xabi looks ill.

Arbie is getting a tad shaggy. Xabi looks like he’s lost the will to live.

There's no thumbs upping this disaster, honey

There’s no thumbs upping this disaster, honey.

No one wants to sit with Sergio. He probably still reeks of bleach and the mismatching hair/beard is disconcerting. Iker is off trying to get Xabi uncurled from a fetal position where he is sobbing “Why god? Why? Please don’t make me stand next to him in any pictures. PLEASE!”  In London, El Pirata see these pictures,  gasps and crosses himself. He’s a modern guy, but somehow finds traditional rituals comforting in times of great stress.  He spends the rest of the morning distracted and watching old black and white movies while muttering about the the decline of civilization. He then dons one perfect white t-shirt, a pair of well fitted jeans and some Ray Bans before heading out to walk the streets of the city trying to make sense of the horror he has witnessed atop Sergio’s head.

No, no, no, a thousand times, no. This team needs both tan & hair interventions. Pronto!

– Lozil

70 Responses to “Updated: The Team Heads To The US, Sergio Apparently Has Head Injury & Thinks He’s Neymar”

  1. Phédre July 28, 2013 at 8:50 am #

    I was wrong thinking nothing could make the Ramos look bad…so wrong. Sese sweetheart, this is not acceptable! And no Pipita’s apple bum to ease the pain!
    Poor Xabi, how is he going to recover from this?

    • gillyrosh July 28, 2013 at 2:03 pm #

      I just…need some time to process this new Sergio look. But my first instinct is to say GAH!

  2. Allison July 28, 2013 at 9:00 am #

    Sergio! SERGIO!! Ay yi yi *shakes head*

    Real Madrid needs to hire a style consultant for these boys, pronto. And not some trend hungry fad monster, but someone who will put a stop to this madness. Maybe pay a stipend to Xabi to intervene, forcibly is necessary.

    • CinematiqueChic July 28, 2013 at 11:04 am #

      If Xabi doesn’t want such a burdensome responsibility, I would personally, be happy to do it. You know, as a giant favor and not at all because it would be my dream job 🙂

  3. panama July 28, 2013 at 9:02 am #

    What the heck is going on??? This hair is the new low in the exodus of all things pretty… First Calleti & Chori, then Pipita and now Sergio’s hair – no me gusta!!!

  4. Beta July 28, 2013 at 9:14 am #

    Sergio shouldn’t be near a hair product without a adult with sense supervision. Benzema too.

  5. Backwards July 28, 2013 at 9:29 am #

    Um who does he think he is? 2006 Schweinsteiger?

    • headbandsandheartbreak July 28, 2013 at 9:34 am #

      I ❤ this comment so much!

    • Mehreh July 28, 2013 at 10:19 am #

      If a natural blonde can’t pull that off, no can.

    • MissLadya July 28, 2013 at 3:06 pm #

      First thing that popped into my mind as well, though I think he’s even managed to go a shade blonder than 2006 Schweinsteiger. I didn’t even think it possible, but he proved me wrong.

  6. Maripili July 28, 2013 at 9:44 am #

    Reeling from the shock. Didn’t our dear Nando have this shade of blonde a while ago?

  7. Kyla Timberlake (@kylaaiko) July 28, 2013 at 9:44 am #

    Oh lord. Sergio lost a bet, right? That’s the only comforting explanation I will accept.

    • Phédre July 28, 2013 at 9:54 am #

      That must be it! I sure hope so…

  8. Cindy July 28, 2013 at 10:10 am #

    OH THE HORROR!!!!!

  9. Ira July 28, 2013 at 10:24 am #

    Literally spit out my tea when I saw that hair. It should come with a warning sign or something.

    • Ira July 28, 2013 at 10:42 am #

      Sergio went Super-Saiyan.

  10. Dr. Heidi July 28, 2013 at 10:33 am #

    *handing Sergio a grocery bag* just put this on your head honey, and take off the rest of your clothes…..WTF, he looks like a aging action figure. That is just hideous…..he better dye it back before he comes to Miami in August…..

    • CinematiqueChic July 28, 2013 at 11:01 am #

      I’ve decided to look at this as a positive for Miami. It will now be significantly easier to spot him.

      • Dr. Heidi July 28, 2013 at 12:03 pm #

        no, it’s like looking into the face of the sun……without the benefit of the resulting blindness.

  11. Ola July 28, 2013 at 10:45 am #

    First Benzema, now Sergio… Oh God don’t let anyone else do anything horrible on their head,pleaseee…

    • Ola July 28, 2013 at 11:09 am #

      And I gotta say: awesome post- not because of nice pictures(well,most of them:-P ) but because of the great captions and the stories about El Pirata and poor Xabi 😀

      • Allison July 28, 2013 at 11:21 am #

        I second that! So spot on & hilarious.

      • headbandsandheartbreak July 28, 2013 at 2:32 pm #

        ::bows:: Thank you muchly. You are too kind.

        • jellyace July 29, 2013 at 10:30 am #

          The captions had me cracking up!

          I think Sese looks like a bounty hunter! All he needs is his trucker hat and Frankencoat…and let’s not forget his gold sneakers!

  12. Dr. Heidi July 28, 2013 at 10:51 am #

    Seems Sergio needs to do a hair intervention ever year about this time……*trying to imagine the timeline of this disaster* He was tanning, then went albino……I’d rather the orange thanks; I mean if we have to pick a color……Why Sergio, WHY????????

  13. Dr. Heidi July 28, 2013 at 10:54 am #

    NOW he chooses NOT to wear a baseball cap….of all times…….can you tell I’m a little rattled by this??? Okay, I’ll stop commenting now. at least my hubby will be happy that Sergio lost a bit of his dreaminess……:-)

  14. Rosa July 28, 2013 at 10:57 am #

    I had to look at the comments in the picture (on my FB) to see who it was. I then looked at his arms to see his tattoos. I totally agree this is the worst haircut and dye job I have ever seen. And wait until the roots start to show!

    • Dr. Heidi July 28, 2013 at 11:00 am #

      I thought it was photoshopped, just like the Minion character earlier this week…..

  15. CinematiqueChic July 28, 2013 at 10:59 am #

    To put it mildly, I’m not crazy about this. But bless. The man knows his mind and he does what he wants. I hope this is a short-lived experiment, but hey, it’s all part of the roller coaster that is The Ramos. If he didn’t throw us for a loop with his styling choices, he wouldn’t be the man we love.

    • Dr. Heidi July 28, 2013 at 11:01 am #

      he had a bandaid on his left arm…..was he drugged with Dolph Lundgren serum???

    • headbandsandheartbreak July 28, 2013 at 2:33 pm #

      It’s just Sergio bein’ Sergio. XD

  16. Allison July 28, 2013 at 11:24 am #

    If he shaved his beard it MIGHT be passable. But he would probably have tan lines from the beard so that’s a whole ‘nother problem. Oy.

  17. Allison July 28, 2013 at 11:25 am #

    Oh PS: Iker is back!!!!!!! ❤ Te quiero, Capitan! ❤

    • Ola July 28, 2013 at 12:19 pm #

      Aaah! THAT hair focuses almost all my attention and I forgot that I saw our dear Iker is back! 🙂

  18. Dr. Heidi July 28, 2013 at 11:29 am #

    I am seeking asylum in the post from July 26 ‘just a little Sese lounging’……before the debacle……

  19. Lilly July 28, 2013 at 11:44 am #

    ….Is this his Miley Cyrus tribute to Pipita?
    I must be in the minority; seeing that this is Sergio, it isn’t that bad? He just had to set the bar even higher for the squad.

    ….oh who the heck am I kidding, lol.

  20. Lilly July 28, 2013 at 11:50 am #

    “Asco” means digusting or repulsive in Spanish. Iscomendi, maybe?

    • Dr. Heidi July 28, 2013 at 11:56 am #

      Sergio’s pelo es MUCHO ASCO 🙂 I’m sorry, I can’t help myself. Is it too early to start drinking?

      • LIlly July 28, 2013 at 12:14 pm #

        Good one, Dr. Heidi! Nah, The alcohol would do good to momentarily blur the existence of this tragedy from our memories.

        • jellyace July 29, 2013 at 10:35 am #

          The Asco portmanteau is so wrong! Iscomendi will work for me!

    • headbandsandheartbreak July 28, 2013 at 2:19 pm #

      Ha! Well then, we can’t have that. 🙂 Iscomendi sounds quite nice. Thanks for saving us from massive embarrassment. We’d be insulting a bromance before it even begins. (Although I see young Illara is also hanging with Morata. Could we have an early Whore With More candidate?)

      • Rose July 28, 2013 at 7:12 pm #

        Re: whore with more candidacy. I’ve been saying jokingly during the past week that Illarra’s gotten himself injured so that he can hang out with Xabi in the gym. So determined this one 😉

        And may I put forth Peasco as a portmanteau? Cause Illarra means pea. And now I want a Pisco Sour.

  21. Katie Ann July 28, 2013 at 12:24 pm #

    I’m going to ignore Sergio’s hair. Going to ignore it… Because, look, there’s Iker! Yay! And Illarra, who is my new favorite thing ever, is plane buddies with everyone! Yay! … Crap, the hair is still there. Why, Sese, why????

    PS- hilarious captions, as always!

  22. Dr. Heidi July 28, 2013 at 12:26 pm #

    If you look at the plane photo of Kaka and Fabio with that freaky deaky in the background very quickly, (you won’t want to look any longer), doesn’t Sergio look like Betty White? *is it the alcohol talking? Oh god I hope so….*

    • Dr. Heidi July 28, 2013 at 12:42 pm #

      Is it in deference to Ancelotti? I am searching for an answer…..ugh

  23. SR 4 July 28, 2013 at 1:08 pm #

    Just imagine if Sergio had bleached his long hair *shudder* . I guess it can always get worse … It´s still bad though.

    • headbandsandheartbreak July 28, 2013 at 2:14 pm #

      Oh he did do that! I have pictures of it on my other computer. I’ll have to find it and post it.

      • Katie Ann July 28, 2013 at 3:26 pm #

        Noooooo, spare us the agony, please! 😉

      • SR 4 July 28, 2013 at 4:21 pm #

        Seriously? OMG! I had no idea. The horror!

  24. Kristine July 28, 2013 at 2:01 pm #

    Looks like Sese is trying to be a California dude! blech. He looks awful, maybe a different color blonde might have worked..but platinum? oh no, honey.

  25. la-la July 28, 2013 at 2:12 pm #

    I’m just mystified that any man thinks the white blond, not even coming close to matching any colour of any strand of hair on the rest of their face or body, is a good look. I’m guessing that cos they don’t possess the xx chromasone they dont know that your hair is supposed to match your eyebrows. I’m not even mentioning the beard. Its too painful

  26. MissLadya July 28, 2013 at 3:11 pm #

    Sergio cuts his hair in summer 2012. Mesut cuts his hair in autumn 2012.
    Sergio bleaches his hair in summer 2012. Mesut …

    I’m just saying, ladies, brace yourselves. Bambi’s already (proudly) sported an absolute repulsive bad bleach/dye job as a teen, so he’s not partial to chemicals. Our only hope is Mandy and Sami teaming up to talk some sense into him before he tries to pull a Sergio on us.

    • headbandsandheartbreak July 28, 2013 at 3:14 pm #

      If he goes back to that bleach mullet, I will weep

      • MissLadya July 28, 2013 at 4:18 pm #

        If he goes back to that bleach mullet I will build a fucking time machine, return to the past, and kill whoever invented chemical bleach.

    • Dr. Heidi July 28, 2013 at 3:15 pm #

      you are right….bad fashion and ugly hairstyles seem to penetrate this team like a virus. We here at H & H need to serve as the antibiotic to such an outbreak (or the anti VENOM in Sergio’s case….)

      • MissLadya July 28, 2013 at 4:19 pm #

        Good thing our boys are ludicrously handsome. Even though they appear to be purposefully sabotaging their good looks, they can’t COMPLETELY eradicate them. Though Sergio’s really toeing the line here …

    • la-la July 28, 2013 at 3:28 pm #

      Oh god. Mesut has already bought himself a highlight cap, crochet hook and some pre-lightener. If its good enough for Cris then you just know he’s going there. Mandy can’t help with this one, perhaps next time round she will learn that putting up with terrible wispy beard/sideburns are a slippery slope

      • Allison July 28, 2013 at 3:59 pm #

        Hahahaha Oh, the mental picture… 😀

  27. Dr. Heidi July 28, 2013 at 3:13 pm #

    I’ve got it….Pilar is sick of women the world over hyperventilating over her boyfriend, so she encourages him to make himself a bit less attractive…..mission accomplished sister.

    • headbandsandheartbreak July 28, 2013 at 3:16 pm #

      Nah don’t blame this on poor Pilar. He always ducks with his hair before the start of the season. This year its just more extreme. XD

  28. mygypsyspirit July 28, 2013 at 4:00 pm #

    Dear Sergio,
    I think you may have ruined the rest of my trip to Madrid. If I had known, I would have been at Barajas to smack the bleach out of your hair. Thanks for nothing.

    Pissed Off Gypsy

  29. randomthoughts57 July 28, 2013 at 4:11 pm #

    lol this made my day. I think its better than Benzema’s hair though.

  30. ramoslove July 28, 2013 at 7:04 pm #

    Possible explanations for sergios horrific hair:
    -He lost a bet
    -He’s a victim of a prank
    -Thought it would be a nice Madrid tribute
    -An attempt to get a senior citizen discount
    -He’s going as Draco Malfoy to an upcoming costume party

    Sese baby, i love you lots, but your hair… I dont know..

  31. Rose July 28, 2013 at 7:22 pm #

    I had to go to the emergency room to have my eye looked at today. One of my friends stupidly decided to light some fireworks during our campfire last night and some debris flew into my eye. It was so red this morning that I just had to have someone look at it. But do you know what one of the first things I saw today was? YEP, Sergio’s new hair do. My eyes did not need that this morning Ramos!

    Eye’s ok btw. Minor abrasion, but otherwise ok.

  32. Natalie July 28, 2013 at 8:36 pm #

    I am glad that the team is back together but WTF Ramos???? I am stunned

  33. Dr. Heidi July 28, 2013 at 10:14 pm #

    It’ll be hard to be an intimidating defender when he looks like he’s going to morph into Jeff Spicoli from Ridgemont High……if Sergio says ‘dude’ at any point, I’m so done. Sorry ladies, I just can’t get over this mess of a hair don’t…..

  34. jellyace July 29, 2013 at 10:39 am #

    If there is a bromance brewing between our tall goalkeepers, Jesus + Diego = Juego?


  1. Real Energy. Real Madrid. (Or The Return of Bad!Hair Benzema) | Of Headbands and Heartbreak... - November 4, 2013

    […] want to reminisce about the team’s hair Dark Ages. What’s next? Pictures of the Bleach Job of Horror? That shiz was like the Voldemort of dye jobs – it should never, ever, ever be spoken of lest […]

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